awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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