My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize