Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
