Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
