I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
