:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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