Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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