i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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