One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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