there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
