So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
