please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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