i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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