I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
