Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
