please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
