i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
