Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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