yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
