he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
