Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
