remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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