Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
