What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
