Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
