you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
