so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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