2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
