can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
