She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
