and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
