Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Drake has all the answers
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
