I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize