I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
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