how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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