He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
