Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
