who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
