May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
