Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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