i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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