I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
