Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
