Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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