Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
