cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
