it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
