her vagine was all disorganized.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need to calm my uterus...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
