Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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