He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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