What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
