She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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