Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
