I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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