Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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