I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
