absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
