I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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