I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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