so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
