doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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