I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
