you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize