I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
