You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
