I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
