Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize