I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
