I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
