i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
